I know the blogosphere does not need another post about BlogHer and I know that Babe Chilla will probably excommunicate me for writing this. But I had a meltdown last night and this needs to be written.
I’m really, ridiculously, blinders-on excited about BlogHer.
Y’all, I haven’t been as excited as I am right now since three weeks before Joshua got here. And before that, I hadn’t been really excited about anything since our wedding.
The only two other “big” anticipated events in my life were getting the acceptance letter to the University of My Choice (my only choice, truth be told) and then getting into the College of Education after getting screwed by the system for nearly two years.
(Obviously, meeting Dan was a pretty big deal, but I didn’t anticipate that to happen. I didn’t have my hopes up that I’d go out one night and meet “The One.”)
I’m not the girl who had this happy, carefree, sheltered, sleepaway-camp-in-the-summer-and-matching-Christmas-pajamas-with-hot-cocoa-and-marshmallows life. Experiences like this just don’t happen to me.
So when good things do happen, when things happen that I get excited about, they feel like pretty huge freaking deals.
But maybe they’re only huge deals to me.
Last night I told Dan I wish he knew the girl I was in high school.
She sang. She danced. She acted.
She was scared of nothing.
Nothing could stop her.
Nothing and no one held her back or got in her way.
I’m not that girl.
Not anymore.
I got so broken at some point along the way that I stopped taking chances. I stopped trying new things. I got scared of trying them, in fact, because taking chances ended in being let down.
I’m scared right now. Terrified, really.
Not that people won’t like me, or that I won’t fit in, or that my clothes will be wrong, or that my hair won’t look right.
I’m just scared, in general, of putting myself out there.
Of taking chances.
{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
I hope you find the girl from your highschool days while you are away!!
I am so new to blogging, and most of this social media world I do not even know what BlogHer is even about..how is that for lost?
I didn’t know what it was until about this time last year. And welcome to blogging.
I hope I find a little bit of her, too.
♥ I can understand those fears for sure & i felt that SO big time last year as i was headed to my first BlogHer conference. I promise people are lovely – & really you can’t go wrong. I am a pretty shy person & these big things intimidate me too. ((HUGS)) & deep breaths
I’m not scared of meeting people. I trust that I will be okay in that. It’s the whole experience that is somewhat overwhelming to me to think about right now.
If we play N’sync in the room will the girl from high school come back? Because THAT can totally be arranged.
Perhaps. Maybe. But I make no promises. But maybe.
I love you more for this comment. x 100
What about some Britney or 98* maybe?! Or old school JayZ or Shania Twain?! LOL, someone pack an ipod with speakers!
You have nothing to be afraid of, you are MIRANDA, the awesome mama to Joshua, wife to Dan and daughter to me. What more could a girl want? You have never had a problem, never, meeting strangers since you could walk, and I know you can talk, write, and so much more. Your talents go way beyond what you can see. You have nothing to fear but fear itself! Now get in there and do what you do best!!!!!!
Love,
MOM
I’m not scared of meeting people at all. (You know this!)
I’m just…scared.
I love you, Mom.
PS your moms comment makes me teary.
She has a way of doing that.
Get out of my head. But I’m glad that I’m not the same person I was *ahem* 12 years ago. Although it would make for some interesting blog fodder. In a MTV kinda way.
In a lot of ways, I’m glad I’m not that same girl. I just wish I could capture a little bit of her bravery.
God I love your Momma. Can she come love on me too?
Dude…be scared. It’s ok. I am too. BIG TIME. But the MINUTE we get to San Diego and find each other in the airport? It’s on like Donkey Kong (as Cort would say…which is a dumb saying because I don’t get it.)!!!
You and I will be there for each other and all our fear will melt away. But for now? We will both tremble a little bit. It will make our meeting in that airport that much awesomer. Yeah. I said awesomer.
Isn’t she the best? Always my cheerleader, that one.
I’m glad you’re in this with me.
I feel like a country girl heading to the big city.
Your mom rocks.
And you are still that girl. She’s in there and I know it because I see her EVERY day on here and on Twitter. If you hadn’t written this I’d never have known you felt like you were not that girl. That girl is exactly how I see you – strong, funny, caring and holy-crap cute with great hair.
We will love you.
She does rock, doesn’t she?
And I’m glad y’all see me that way. I HOPE that’s how people see me. I just have a hard time believing it sometimes.
(And? Truth bomb? I did not always have great hair. This is an acquired-post-high-school gift.)
See, that’s what’s awesome – the outside stuff changes. (And yay for better hair now than before – I think I had better hair in high school.) But the inside stuff is there – you just need to trust that it’s there and to find that girl again.
::sigh::
This is going to be hard to do.
*Sigh* Have I said lately that I love you? Because I do. And I wish I were going to BlogHer so I could hug you.
Thanks, friend. I wish you were going to be there, too.
I’m actually much more brave now, but even blogher, I think I might shit my pants. But I bet it’s one of those things I would worry about and end having a great time! You will too!
I’m not scared of the conference at all, really. I’m just scared in general, I think, of the “new.”
Ok so maybe you girls should take up a collection so I could go to San Diego with you and be your cheerleader…..wouldn’t that be GREAT!!!!! Just kidding, I know you guys will have a wonderful time and it will seem like you’ve known each other forever.
We will. I know we will.
But we are askeered!
I hear you. I used to be that girl too. Now I’d rather stay home alone. I think the 50 pounds I added from high school have osmething to do with it.
Uh, yeah. The added weight doesn’t help. At all. Not that I was skinny then or have ever been skinny
Girl, you hit the nail on the head for me. I used to do SO much in high school. I was totally an over achiever on all fronts. Now? Not so much. I mainly do what I need to get by at work and just be able to come home to my family. I’m not seeking awards or fame for this blog. But I am SUPER excited about BlogHer.
I’m scared too. But in a really good butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of way.
And I cannot wait to meet you!!! Eeeek!
Yep. Me too. I was involved in everything.
Now? I work, and I do a great job at my job (I think…though some may disagree).
As for what I’m doing with this blog, I have no idea yet. I’d like to think that it’s a platform to…something? But I just don’t know.
And? I’m super pumped excited to meet you!
Seriously, please bring your mother to BlogHer. She can hang with me.
But I feel so much the same way. I am nervous about everything. Being overwhelmed. Being a small town girl in a huge city with a big crowd and knowing nothing while seeing the confidence of others.
We’ll get through it together – the 4 of us newbies. We have each other to fall back on if things get a little nerve wracking.
True. I’m glad I have y’all in this with me. So glad.
And my mom is awesome.
Can I just say ditto to what everyone else said?!
Love your mom.
We’ll be there as newbies together to conquer the large overwhelming crowd by making it our place to have fun & meet friends for the weekend. You’ll do great I just know it.
WE will do great. We will.
I think that a lot of women are in the same boat as you friend. Everyone is scared to be putting themselves out there and being away from the safety of words behind a computer screen. Lord knows that when I’m cool enough…or have the balls enough to ever attend a conference…I’ll be terrified too. Just remember that you’re awesome because Canadian Kim said so.
You GOT it, Kim. That’s what I’m most scared of. Not my clothes, or my hair, or my shoes. But will people see the me I am on here as the me I am out there. I’m way more the girl I was back then when I have the screen in front of me.
I am so glad you’re getting this opportunity to get out there and take a chance. I hope it snowballs into a whole new mindset, I really do.
I’m 100% certain that not a single person going to BlogHer or any conference for the first time isn’t apprehensive just like you are. But you’re going to be awesome and have an amazing time, I know it!!
I hope it does, too, Jen.
I know I’ll have a great time. I’m not worried about that. I’m just apprehensive, like you said.
I’ve never been that girl. Never. And I always wanted to be. I still try. But it doesn’t happen. S I just try to be myself and it usually turns out ok. I like the you that I see. Because if you hadn’t gone through what you have, you never would be the strong (yes I said strong) person that you are. I love what I see here.
Thanks for that, Rach. Truly.
Ok so I love this post but I’m going to call BS on you not being the girl you were in high school. Seriously I haven’t seen you since graduation but you are still that girl. REALLY… You ARE!! I saw it when you threw the reunion together, you were faced with the chaos & drama that came along with planning and standing up to the bull that was thrown out there. I saw it the night of when you greeted everyone at the door with the refreshed “I AM MIRANDA” way that you had in High School. Don’t sell youself short honey – you are that girl, she might slip away here and there but you still have it everyday, I read it in your posts and I’m in awe that you have been that girl since we were 7/8 years old playing pitcher & catcher for Antioch!
You shouldn’t be scared of anything — the world should watch out for you because you can and will make your way!
Much love your way! ~ Misty
Thanks for this, Misty. All of it. Truly.