Funny, I don’t remember packing that

When I go anywhere, I’m a pretty meticulous packer. I make a list of what I’m taking with specific item details. The list doesn’t just say “black dress.” It says “faux wrap black dress with five buttons.” (Also? I laugh and roll my eyes when Dan does this. Because he takes my OCD packing nature to a whole ‘nother level.)

When I need to tightly pack many things to save space, I can do it easily. I’m the master of having no dead space. Just ask my roommates about my BlogHer swag and how I got that home. They can vouch for my awesome packing skills.

What I do not remember packing for BlogHer–or even remotely thinking that I needed to pack–is this:

Yeah.

Yes. Yes that is what you think it is.

Yes. Yes I am just as shocked as some of you are.

When I took the test on the Monday morning after BlogHer, I took it kind of on a whim. I was on day 52 of what I thought was an anovulatory cycle. I knew that if I planned to call the doctor around day 60, they’d ask me if I’d tested. So, I grabbed the pee stick out of the cabinet and before I even had a chance to wipe, two lines were there.

I kind of laughed in disbelief. Shook the test. Looked again. Yep. Still two pink lines.

Dan was getting Joshua dressed for school so I went into the nursery, pee stick in hand, and when he asked why I had such a funny look on my face, I showed him the test. Shoved it at him, actually. He did the same shocked, disbelieving laugh as me and then high fived me. (What? You don’t high five your spouse over surprise pregnancies?! Oh, wait, you don’t HAVE surprise pregnancies? Yeah. Me neither.)

I wish I could say I immediately did back flips and let out a SQUEE! of joy. But I just kind of went through the morning in complete shock. And the rest of the day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

That shock has been the reason for my radio silence lately. Until we knew some dates, we didn’t want to tell our families. And until we told our families, I couldn’t really write about this. And without writing about this, I’ve been left with zero ways to process this aside from in my own head. Which is a facking awful place for anyone as it turns out.

And as it turns out, I’m pretty much terrified.

118 thoughts on “Funny, I don’t remember packing that”

  1. SQUEEEEEE!!!!! I have been waiting for this post forever – congrats again! I am thrilled for all 3 of you!

    And you’re going to be ok – it will all work out – it always does. I know it’s cliche but really – I believe it.

    Lots of love and hugs your way. You are going to be a fantastic second time mom.

  2. Those are some bright lines! No doubt about that, you can’t shake those away. I am very happy for you. It is definitely a scary time, wondering what it will be like with two (not that I am doing that right now, *cough, cough*) I wish you a very happy and healthy pregnancy!

  3. First off congrats. I know it may not seem like a “yay, so happy, congrats” type of time, but it really is a blessing :)

    Secondly, just to echo what I said via twitter; you will do fine and we are all here for ya.

  4. I find in moments like this it’s best to say, “HolyCrapYouAreHavingABaby!!”

    I can’t promise it won’t be full of nausea, stretch marks, pains and bizarre body functions-

    But it has one hell of an upside.

    Congrats, my friend.

    Now go eat some ice cream.

  5. you are going to rock this. It will be so different and you are going to rock this!!! And I’m here to prop you up if you start to feel wobbly, promise. Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!

      1. If you patent this baby, could you send some of Katie’s pregnancy juju my way? Clearly the woman has some seriously powerful baby stuff!

  6. Oh I have so been there. I think I stared at a wall for about 2 hours after my positive pregnancy test.

    But you know what? The shock fades and the joy and anticipation seeps in. (And for me the dread of being pregnant. Oy.)

    Turns out there’s room for LOTS of feelings at one time.

    So congratulations!! You’ve got lots of people who are 100% thrilled for you.

    1. The test is still laying on the bathroom counter. Every time I pee, I look to make sure the lines are actually still there.

  7. Hugs. Our planned-but-not-planned-QUITE-SO-SOON second pregnancy really threw me for a loop for a few days. Weeks. Months. Up until the day I gave birth I was secretly terrified – and then after that I was VISIBLY terrified. But things are OK, some days even better than OK, and you are going to be fine.

  8. “Funny, I don’t remember packing that” …cracked me up. =)

    Congrats! From one accidental second pregnancy mama to another – you can totally do this. Give yourself permission to process. Holler at me if you need anything!!! ((hugs))

    Susan

  9. Although we’d been trying for a second child for a few months, I got my positive test the same day my husband was told by his boss that he may no longer be a good fit for their company. He packed up his desk, fully expecting to be fired, and came home horribly upset. He was ecstatic at the news, but all I knew is my safe and comfy stay at home mom world had had two big shocks that day, and I was terrified for weeks as he had meetings with the various levels of management that he would lose his job (and our insurance). In the end, he kept his job, and is guaranteed his job through next September, but it was definitely a rocky start to my pregnancy. And a rocky end now that I’ve been diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

  10. Do you know how I know you’re going to be an amazing mom? Because you already are one.

    This 2nd baby is going to be one of the two luckiest kids in the world. And you’re pretty lucky yourself, mama. So much love to you.

  11. Blame it on Katie. She must have hugged you extra hard at Blogher…or something.

    For real, Congrats! Siblings are the greatest gift we can give our children. Another person to care for us when we are old.

    1. Or another person to put us in a second-rate nursing home for all the therapy we caused?

      Not how I should look at things right now?

      Damn.

    1. No. No I do not love surprises. At least not right away. Because this is like surprising me with a rattle snake. Or a spider. And telling me they are pets.

  12. Well, let me just tell you folks how happy this Nana is………..I know that it is a total shock to my girl, but you know what (as George Lopez says)…….I got thissssssss! She will have this. I haven’t always been able to be there much for her with Joshua but I promise to do my best to be there every time she needs me,…….might ought to move in huh?….lol. Miranda doesn’t see what everyone on the outside sees, she is strong, intelligent, gentle, and has more love than you could possibly imagine and do you know how I know these things? I raised her and most of all i know how she was raised. I had her when I was 24 yrs old, not married and making just a little over minimum wage but I was determined to take care of this wonderful gift that God had blessed me with. i was so excited to be pregnant and somehow I knew things would be fine, even though I had to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about this life growing inside of me, y’all I can’t put into words how I feel about Miranda. Has it always been a bed of roses? No. But somehow some way we have a tendancy to make it happen and that is how Miranda is she is a make it happen kind of girl. You will be fine sweetie and just know I am there for you when you need me. I love you more than words can say. I know this is rambling but I have so much to say and don’t want to take up all of your blog space….lol. Thank you (and Dan of course) for making beautiful intelligent children and just relax and know it will be OK!!!!

    1. I already don’t know where I’m going to put this baby and its stuff, so moving in might be an issue. But the fixer-upper two doors down? That’s an option.

      Thanks, Mama. For everything. Except making me cry into my biscuits.

      1. Well to be perfectly honest – I was in shock up until I gave birth. Still am kinda. Like I look at her & go: how do I have a second child? Well I know how – but you get my drift…

  13. Omg!!! Congratulations!! Take it one day aat a time. Having 2 kids was the best decision I ever made. They are 2 yrs apart and the best of friends!

  14. Congratulations! Although a surprise, you will rock this. Because you rock. Looking forward to following along on this adventure through your words.

  15. Congrats, Miranda! I’ve been a blog stalker of yours for a while now but rarely comment (although I relate to a lot of what you blog about!). I am sure you will be a GREAT mom to two! It’s all in God’s plan :).

  16. I was so happy to read this last night. I believe everything will work out for the best and you guys will be amazing parents to Joshua and LO!!! Congrats!

  17. Thanks to mine & my husband’s super-human reproducing powers, we have had two surprise pregnancies. One while using birth control and condoms (no, we absolutely never slipped up or skipped either one), and the other when we got pregnant the very first night that we decided to try for a second child. You’re scared of this surprise pregnancy, and I’m scared of sex altogether.

  18. First, congratulations. Having two kids is a wonderful thing – it really is. They’ll reach a certain age & start entertaining each other. They’ll be life-long best friends.

    But, you also have my sympathies . . . because, it kind of sucks until you get to that point. It’s a wild & crazy & worthwhile trip . . . but, like the best roller coasters, the moments of pure terror are numerous.

    Mostly, though, congratulations. And I totally expect to see you rocking some pregnancy dresses.

    1. First–thank you. Except not for that roller-coaster imagery. Because now I want to puke double.

      And I already busted out the maternity pants because holy comfort, Batman.

  19. Miranda, first i just want to say that I am so happy for you! Secondly, I want to tell you that I completely understand your reaction. The feelings are different than a very planned pregnancy. My husband & I walked around in shock for a good 2 months. I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms at all so it was easier to deny it was even happening. I was terrify too. You’re not alone. I know you just need time to process it before you can celebrate this new life. I wish I could hug you again! Everything will be a-okay!!!

    1. Oh, the symptoms. My GOD. The symptoms. They’re WAY worse this time than they were with Joshua. And yes, time to process and then I’ll celebrate.

    2. I just wanted to pipe in and say that even with a planned pregnancy the feelings can be confusing. DH and I tried for almost three years and were on our last round of fertility treatments before giving up when we got pregnant with LO (I’m due in November) and there are still days where I’m scared shitless and wonder if I’ve made a mistake. I love this little guy more than anything but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t doubts and confusing thoughts. Sigh. It’s crazy no matter what way I suppose :-)

  20. Congrats and YAY! You guys make cute kiddos. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster ride in the beginning, but its also very rewarding. I’m confident you are going to be a great mom to two!

  21. We already talked about this on The Twitter, but I’ll say it again here. Sending many hugs, congratulations, and hope that the shock wears off and the happy replaces it! :)

    Also, I need The Twitters to share some of the water that you guys are all drinking. I swear every female I follow is pregnant!

    (Any girl/boy feelings yet?)

    1. I DID NOT INTEND TO DRINK THIS WATER. I repeat–someone drugged me.

      And no, not really, though slightly leaning girl? But that could just be wishful thinking.

  22. Bless your heart…that is great news. Heck, I was suprised with the first one, when the labor pains started I was still trying to figure out what to do!!!!! Ha! You’ll be great, sounds like you have a great husband and son, I’m sure everything will be fine. I commented on the post where Dan gave the bread recipe, was gonna try it that weekend, but life intervened. Oh well, maybe this week.
    Be blessed,

    1. That bread is good stuff! You should totally try it!

      As for this? I know this will work out. I’m just going to be freaking out until it does.

  23. Congratulations!!!

    Believe it or not, I do know the feeling of a surprise pregnancy! My third boy was conceived through a condom. Yes, I’m sure that is more then you ever wanted to know about someone you don’t know! But I thought I would let you know that you are not alone. The surprise, and the being terrified is totally normal and understandable! It does turn into sheer joy and excitement! I promise!

  24. Welcome to the wild side mama! SO happy for you and your lovely family. You cant imagine it now but you will be amazed at how much happier you become. Sounds insane. But I promise its just nuts.

  25. My daughter was also a surprise. I discovered I was pregnant the day before my husband’s birthday. I wanted to wait, to tell him on his bday, but kind of blurted it out that evening. I couldn’t wait, not even 1 day! I also experienced ALOT of fatigue and “morning” sickness. I don’t think I fully believed that I was pregnant until I heard her heartbeat and saw her, like a little peanut, in the ultrasound. Regardless of how nervous I was to have her, how sick I was throughout my pregnancy, and how scared I was of being responsible for another human being, Sydney was the greatest “surprise” I have ever been given!

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