Simplify, simplify

Today, I made a choice. A hard choice. A really hard choice.  A choice that I’ve weighed and waffled on for months.

Today, I quit my job to become a stay at home mom.

I’ve never been good with cramming the quality into only an hour or two like some moms can. I need quantity AND quality. With only an hour or two, I feel compelled to do everything and the overwhelming desire to do everything generally leads to getting nothing done. Not even the quality time.

It’s funny how that works, right? Am I the only one who experiences this? I think I’m probably not.

Since Joshua was small, I’ve lamented how busy our lives are. How our mornings are hectic and scattered and rushed and our afternoons are plagued by daycare pickup, dinner, bath time and bed with little time for anything else. I’ve always hated how little time I actually have to spend with Joshua in any given day.

Even when he makes me absolutely crazy in the hour I do have, I still want more hours. I still need more hours.

Now that Emma’s here, I want those hours with her, too. I need those hours with her to keep on healing my soul.

And with two children, having those hours in order to split my attentions between them become even more of a commodity.

So, in order to have those hours, something has to give.

I can’t give up food, sleep, or cleaning the house since the first two are biological necessities and the last would land us on Hoarders. So, the thing that I can give up, for now, is my career.

I love my family. I love my career. But when it comes down to it, my career will always be there. I can go back.

My children? Their childhoods? These moments? Those are fleeting. I cannot miss these moments. I cannot get them back.

As Nick Carraway said “You can’t repeat the past.” Once these moments are gone, they’re gone forever.

And y’all, I have agonized over this decision. I have wavered and doubted and right now, I still waver and doubt.

Even this morning I stood in the kitchen and looked at Dan and said “I just don’t know what to do.”

And he said “We can do this. We’ll make it work.

So, we’re doing this.

34 thoughts on “Simplify, simplify”

  1. I’m so happy for you. I know how much this decision has weighed on you for a long time! I’m so happy you decided one way or the other. You’ll totally make it work!!

  2. I remember making that very decision. It was worth it, hard but so very worth it. I hope you find much joy in the time you have with them because you are right your career will be there just as mine was for me when I was finally ready.
    Congrats on your new job!! :)

  3. Congratulations on making the decision I know you’ve been weighing. I’m so happy & excited for you! Lots of exciting fun times!

  4. Miranda,

    Congrats! I’m very happy for you! I know what difficult of a decision this must have been! I had to make it wham I took a year off after I had my second child. And that year off was wonderful….but God had other plans. So here I am now, a teacher, mother of four, a loving, supportive wife (at least I try to be), of a husband who travels often, and no family here to help. Now I’m at the point of having my oldest chasing athletic dreams, therefore if I quit work, he loses out on opportunities…everything costs money. So here I stand, wishing I could stay home, slow down a bit and have more quality time with my kids…bit at their age, that leads to lost opportunity for them. Either way, a working mom or stay at home mom does what they do for their kids…and that is what matters. We are all moms, trying to do what’s right.

    I’m so happy for you, and Ive been there, done that…and lived every minute of it. Then I went into teaching. The best field you can be in if you have to work and have kids. Now here I am, with four of them that I love unconditionally, and want to do more for them…and I guess we’re I am right now, this is the best place…however I am jealous as hell of you :). But so happy for you!!

    You will be very missed! I’m so glad Hunter had the opportunity to have you as a teacher!!

    Many blessings!
    Tracey

  5. Love the blog…admire what you are doing. Like I told you in my text…the six years I had as a stay at home mom were soooo special. Now after twenty two years back in the clasroom, I, too, am taking a different path. I, too, feel the same trepidation – boy am I going to miss my friends and my students BUT….life’s paths are so awesome to explore. Cliche, I know…but it’s all about the journey not the destination.

  6. I am SO proud of you, Miranda. I’ve been wondering what you would do, and in my heart, I knew it would be this. Because as much as you are so very passionate about teaching other people’s kids? You are even more passionate and in love with teaching and mothering your OWN kids. Full time.

    I will miss the teacher banter with you this fall, that is for sure. But I am so happy for your choice. So happy.

  7. I am so so proud of you. You continue to inspire me in any and all things. I know you will still be there to help me out come next year :)
    AND I’LL SEE YOU IN JULY OMG.

  8. Go Miranda! You’ll still be teaching full-time, but your students will just be much more precious to you.

  9. Congratulations! You are blessed to have a husband who is willing to support the big decision. I am a SAHM also, because in my life, the cost of daycare is much more than I could ever make at a job. While we have crazy, loud, annoyingly long days sometimes, I wouldn’t change it right now.

  10. Sending you hugs and commiseration. So proud of you for following your heart and your gut on this one. I believe that it’s the right thing, and I know it’s going to be hard anyway. Because you can love where you are and miss where you’re not too. Cognitive dissonance, yo. So on the days when it’s awesome, I’ll squee with you, and on the days when it’s more hard, I’ve got a shoulder.

  11. I am excited for you :-). It is a challenging journey, but my hope for you is that it will be filled with moments that take your breath away.

    I am almost 5 years into my journey of staying home. Some days we don’t make it out of pjs and there is much coffe drinking going on. And that’s ok. But some days, I get woken up too early and don’t have an ounce of patience left and I make a snap decision. And out of that decision springs an incredible adventure. The endless laughter is overwhelming.

  12. Reading your post brought back memories of when I went back to work after my daughter was 4 months old. I only lasted three and 1/2 months before deciding to turn in my notice. I loved the work, but was so scared of missing out on the baby moments: her first crawl, her first baby signs, her first words, etc. I have not once regretted my decision. Sure, there are times when I wish I could trade places with my husband for a few days, or a week even, just to have a little “me” time where I’m not waiting on the kids needs 24/7. But I am so happy being home with them. I’m sure you will be too. :)

  13. Congratulations! I never expected to be a SAHM, but at the end of my maternity leave with my oldest, I couldn’t leave her. I tried to work something out for me to work from home, my boss didn’t go for it, so I quit. It was scary, but extremely rewarding. I am now four years into this stay at home gig, and it is the hardest most fulfilling job I have ever had :-) Good luck!

  14. Congrats on such a big decision! Deciding is half the battle. I think you’ll find that the classroom prepares you well for a day at home with little ones, or that’s how I feel. It’s a hard job, but so fulfilling and I always thought I was personally invested in my students until I started my life as a SAHM – it takes that idea to a whole new level. :) Enjoy your summer with newborn snuggles and your tiny guy without the start of the school year hanging over your head. It’s the best feeling!!

  15. WOOT! Happy you are doing something to make you happy. I always applaud the mom who can find the problem and come up with a solution to fit HER family and make HER happy. Enjoy it!

  16. Congratulations on such a big decision! I chose to stay home after my maternity leave ended this past January and I still have days where I question it but I know (I KNOW!) I made the right decision. Every time my kids learn something or treat each other nicely I give myselfa huge pat on the back. Every day that is a tough one I wonder why I’m home with them. Like you said, you make it work and no one ever regrets spending time with their kids.

  17. Kudos to you! Just made the same decision – can totally relate. And now I have time to read blogs that I never knew about before! Oh – and spend more time with my kids. Only one chance to do it, right? Enjoy!

  18. Congratulations! That is such a very difficult choice to make.
    I taught Kindergarten and LOVED my job, the kids, my principle, my co-teachers, everything. I thought I would go back after I had my son. I had even looked into childcare. But then when he was born and I experienced the awful birth experience, I just couldn’t go back. I was so very fragile and NEEDED to be home with him, you know?
    Quitting my job was so hard; I was breaking contract and was letting my employer down. But in the end, I knew if I didn’t stay home I would be letting myself down. And that just wasn’t something I could live with.
    It is such an agonizing decision. But I will tell you the absolute truth: I have never regretted it, not for a second. Being a stay at home mom is the best choice I’ve ever made.
    You’ll be great at this.

  19. I’m so behind on my blog reading… Good for you! And you’re right, you can always go back! I made a major career decision last week too (at least major to me) which may affect my family, but, like Dan my lovely husband said “we’ll make it work”… Enjoy the time with the kids cause they are only young once.

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