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A letter to myself to read in times of struggle

by Miranda on September 14, 2012

Dear Miranda,

If you’re reading this, it means that this has not been your finest day or week as a mother.

Your children probably haven’t slept. No amount of concealer can adequately cover the bags under your eyes. All of you are tired. You and Dan find yourselves snapping at each other over silly things thanks to the lack of sleep in your lives.

Showering every other day seems to have become your new normal and four-day hair is your friend. Getting dressed every day is more about function than form. And if Emma’s still an infant there’s a good chance that something you’re wearing reeks of dried spit-up. If she’s older, well, there’s probably some disgusting bodily fluid that doesn’t belong to you crusted somewhere.

You’ve probably used your angry voice. You know the one where your teeth don’t separate when you speak? That one. Your words were probably harsh. Harsher than you intended.

Your children have probably cried and as a result, you probably have, too.

You have no doubt been worn thin meeting the demands of the two small people entrusted to your care.

The days may have been long. They may have seemed never ending.

But you persevered. And you survived them. You all did. Even when you thought you wouldn’t.

And those long days? They aren’t forever.

In your Mama Heart you know just how quickly time passes. That children grow too swiftly. That you will long for the quiet moments with one or both of them snuggled on your lap. You will ache for the feeling of their tiny hands in yours. You will wish you could read them just one more story, tuck them in one more time.

In your Mama Heart you know those days are just choppy waves in the giant sea of motherhood.

Your children? They’ve thrived in spite of all that you have perceived as failure.

They are thriving.

You have not failed them.

You are not a failure.

Be more kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for what you see to be faults. Give yourself grace for the days when you feel less-than.

Look at these children whose lives have enriched your own and let your heart be happy. They love you when you cannot love yourself. Even with four-day hair.

Love,

Me

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Isha September 14, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Beautiful! And so true <3

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2 Suzanne September 15, 2012 at 9:06 am

My mama heart needed this today. Even the long days when I use my angry voice more than I want to are a blessing when I still have my beautiful, (mostly) healthy children.

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3 Mamaintheburbs September 15, 2012 at 9:14 am

Thank you for writing this. I’m going through such similiar feelings and needed to be reminded to be kind to myself. Motherhood is the hardest job we will ever do! I think some of us are too hard on ourselves. It is hard to lose sight of the little things that make us happy. Our little ones! So thank you for the reminder!

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4 Jill @BabyRabies September 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

Oh, I needed this letter. Yesterday was one of *those* days. Thank you.

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5 Delfin Joaquin Paris III September 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Here’s the rub. It’s not will we wound our children, it’s how deep will the wounds be?

You’re doing fine.

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6 Lisa September 16, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Oh, I so need to hear this…and often. I don’t know how, but I seem to convince myself daily that I’m the only mom in the whole world who ever uses the angry voice, says things I didn’t intend and therefore regret, and worries not if, but how I am ruining my children as a result. I just love these mommy blogs out there that tell it like it is. It’s not that I wish hard days or guilt on other mamas but let’s be honest…misery loves company. ;)

I don’t actually remember how I found your blog, but I love it! :)

~Lisa

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7 Laura Payette September 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Found your blog from Suzanne’s comments (bebehblog). What a great first post to read! I’m in the same boat; it’s helpful to remember I’m not the only one living in a three-ringed circus and that it won’t last forever. Looking forward to reading more of your blog…probably in the wee hours of the morning as I feed an infant who won’t sleep. :-)

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8 Tam September 17, 2012 at 10:52 pm

YES. THIS.

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9 Julia September 19, 2012 at 11:06 am

I love this. We all need this reminder.

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